Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Sewist Buys a Wedding Dress

Two months.

Two months! In precisely sixty days, Dr. Sam and I are going to trot down the aisle and tie the proverbial knot. Woohoo! Quite frankly, I've been an insouciant bride. We're having a simple wedding: Sunday brunch, lovely low key little venue, lots of balloons and flowers and bunting. Thanks to a close held hatred of rigmarole, I've officially cut out a lot of the typical American wedding shenanigans. There will be no DJ or releasing of the doves or—just kill me now—garter toss. Marriage is the important thing, not having a gigantic sparkly princess day of wonder. That's never been my dream.

Except, of course, for The Dress. The very small list of important Mary concerns in planning this shindig were, in order: Sam, the dress, cake. Since the dear professor is consistently the most lovely man alive and the (three) cakes are being made—fondant free!—by my longtime favorite bakery, the dress absorbed my worries. So, so many worries.

As a sewist, there was one question to be answered. Will I make the dress myself? 

It's a completely legit consideration, especially in this day and age. Not only are modern dresses hilariously over priced but they are, as I quickly realized from bridal magazines, remarkably homogeneous. If you want a strapless A-line white dress, no problem! The shops have rows and rows of neatly hung poofy confections for strap-haters. However, when you start swaying away from the herd? Fat chance. The section with sleeves is minuscule, colors other than white are unheard of, and no one who's anyone gets married in a short dress.

For sewists, this is enraging. One trip to the bridal shoppe—they can never just be a simple shop, kittens—is enough to start even the most sainted bride plotting the doom of Badgley, Vera, and that hawker of polyester swill, David himself. Sewists are used to taking matters in their own hands. If a pattern doesn't have sleeves, add them. If you hate the feel of flammable, melt-prone fabrics against your skin, don't use them. Sartorial beliefs, we have them in spades! All it took were a couple of post-engagement internet browsing sessions for me to know the usual bridal shop was not my destiny.

So, I compiled a list. What was my dream dress, exactly? If I couldn't find it, sewing was a viable option, so I could afford to be mindbogglingly specific. Thanks to vintage fashion catalogs, a vision quickly coalesced.

 Note: Sam, if you're reading this, stop right now! Your superstitious side demands it. 

Mary's Dream Dress: A Bulleted List
  • Bottom-of-knee length
  • Lace bodice
  • Sleeves, preferably 3/4
  • Button back. Not a zipper with buttons over it, either. Silk-covered buttons with working loops or death!
  • Color featured somehow
  • Layered circle skirt for a 1950s silhouette
  • Natural materials, preferably silks
  • Lower neckline

Surprise! This dress doesn't exist at David's Bridal. Initially, I considered going with one of the oft-pinned, retro dresses of Dolly Couture, but I had serious doubts about their quality. Reviews were spotty, their standard offerings are all polyester, and no design perfectly fit my vision. Sewing was looking like my best option. And yet...

Y'all, I'm going to be straight up here. I didn't want to sew my own wedding dress. Down that path lived stress and obsessively washing my hands while sewing and time-consuming muslin fittings. People kept asking me if I had a "clean room" to store it in, while I sewed. Fuck that. I can barely keep myself clean, much less my sewing room. Someday, I would love to make a complete couture gown for myself, but that day will come when there are no dissertations to finish or moves to make. So, I started finding vintage patterns, but dreading what my autumn would be like.

Enter Pinterest. On one of my random wedding dress pictures binges, I typed in the words "short British wedding dress." The lovely designers across the pond are much more open to retro designs and lengths other than floor. I'd stumbled across a handful of designers with gorgeous not-quite-right-but-almost gowns.

Then, I found her. Joanne Fleming, an up-and-coming wedding dress designer out of Brighton. She is famous for her craftsmanship, use of luxury French fabrics, and gorgeous twists on classic designs. If I wanted a bias-cut column gown, she had twenty amazing options. If I wanted colored lacy confections, there were samples aplenty. And if I wanted a button-back, lace and organza, knee-length fifties delight with sleeves and a low neckline? Oh, that's called the Annie dress.




Picture sources: Joanne Fleming Design Blog
Here's a link to my favorite real bride shoot, featuring an Annie dress. Lovely, no?

Mine, custom made to my measurements and specifications, is shipping out next week. Next week! Yes, I have been ridiculously squealing "Wedding Dress!" at odd times, since getting this news. Sam is temporarily deaf from all the high pitched squees.

The only alterations I made were to sub in a blush pink back-bow sash and coordinating pink silk petticoat binding. It is lovely, it is wonderful, and I'm not slaving away in my sewing room, cursing the day lace was invented. Joy! 

What do you think, friends? Would you sew your own wedding dress or go with an indie designer/seamstress? I'd love to hear about what you chose for your own. Sure, it's just a dress, but it's probably the only one we'll be asked about for the rest of our lives. It's also worth noting that one of my favorite bloggers, Mel from Poppykettle, is much braver than I and taking the plunge on making her own. It's sure to be a gorgeous, fascinating process.

Note: If you're as fabulously nosy about weddings as I am, my planning board on Pinterest is filled with lovely flowers and dresses. Gawk away! I would.
  
Note two: If you kind of hate the hoopla surrounding weddings and would rather read feminist ramblings about its annoyances, my alter ego has been writing a series called "The Apathetic Bride's Guide to Weddings." It's both funny and curmudgeonly. 

53 comments

  1. Wow it's beautiful!! And I mean that genuinely, because it's rare that I see a wedding dress I actually approve of. I think you made the total right call -- supporting an indie wedding dress designer who can be called a sewist herself (instead of a... manufacturer) because she makes it customized to your measurements with her own hands. Awesome and amazing. So glad you found the perfect dress.
    I might consider making my own wedding dress if I ever go the marriage route. However, I do not have luxurious taste so knowing me, it'd end up being made out of white jersey or something equally pajama-worthy, ha.

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    1. Thank you so much, Andrea! You know, that's a point I didn't really highlight in this post, but one that was a big factor in my dress decision. Friends insisted that I go to a shop and try on dresses, to see if I fell in love with one before having mine commissioned, but at the end of the day, I'd rather support a small-business owning woman than a big wedding behemoth. Not only is it more personal, but I know that the money is supporting ethical business practices and a studio full of amazing women.

      Also, a wedding dress that feels like pajamas could be the most brilliant thing ever. Why not be lovely and comfortable on that day? Love it.

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  2. Oh wow, that dress is amazing. I hear you on wedding apathy. I just celebrated my 3 year anniversary. We were married in Golden Gate Park with three friends on a Tuesday afternoon. Keeping weddings simple is a great idea. The time leading up to the day is stressful enough. My only regret is that I never had a clear idea of what kind of wedding dress I wanted. I ended up changing dresses two weeks before my wedding (ordered last minute from Eshakti). I'm glad you found the perfect dress with little fuss.

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    1. Thank you, Neemie! Your wedding sounds absolutely perfect. Because we both have large, excited families, ours is going to be bigger than I'd originally wanted, but will hopefully stay pretty simple. A very small, intimate wedding sounds lovely.

      Also, I bet your Eshakti dress was delightful! I have two party dresses from them that I just adore and was very close to picking a bridesmaid dress from their selection. It's such a fabulous, necessary concept for RTW.

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  3. Amazing! You're wedding sounds awefully similar to my wedding just over a year ago... Relaxed venue, simple brunch, no dj, no flower toss and NO GARTER! I ended up with two dresses. I thought I wanted a dress lie yours, and then started trying on these long gowns with trains at DB and thought "ok, so when else am I ever going to wear a long gown with a train... And butt looks fabulous in a train!" So I bought it for the wedding. But I still had visions of this vintage inspired tea length dress, so I made one for the reception and photos out of yards and yards of ruched and gather burnout chiffon. This was before I really sewed! but I was so proud if that dress and that's what got me back into sewing and started me on my sewing blog!

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    1. Rachel, both your wedding and your dresses sound absolutely amazing! No lie, I think a long dress would have been way too tempting for me to pass up, but I'm lucky enough to attend a fancy writers gala each year for a national professional organization. Last year, I was nominated for something, so I splurged on an emerald green Tadashi Shoji confection that satisfied my need for an old Hollywood glamour long dress. I totally believe in taking the opportunity, when presented! Did you blog about your wedding at all? I'm going to go stalk your posts, to see if I can find a picture of your chiffon number. It sounds like a fabulous accomplishment!

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  4. Oh, I've been following your pinterest board for quite some time! I got married in July, and i actually did sew my own dress. I was determined to. My mom didn't want me to (I think she thought i'd look like a hippie or something. I don't have a problem with hippies, but my mom does), and my now husband thought it would be too stressful. I went shopping for dresses twice, found a few things i sort of liked, but nothing I wanted to pay upwards of 1,000 for. But for the longest time I couldn't decide what to make. Art nouveau inspired? 50s? Modern? I'm all over the place and could not pick something. Until I remembered I'd always wanted to make an Alabama Chanin style dress. Perfect. 100% cotton jersey, princess seams, slight train, and covered entirely in a stencil I'd painted on, and then outlined in a back stitch. It took me three months, and I finished two days before the wedding. Loved every minute of it. The dress itself could have been a little more flattering, not being a cut I usually wear, but I love it so much. The dress you have chosen is absolutely gorgeous! You will look stunning in it!

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    1. Susan, oh my gosh, your dress sounds absolute amazing! Tell me there are pictures of it somewhere online, so I can properly drool. It sounds like you absolutely made the right decision by sewing it yourself. What an amazing experience to be able to have! You must have been so proud, when people complimented your dress at the wedding.

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    2. I will find a way to post it online! I don't know what to do with it now... Save it? Cut it off at the knee and where it? Dye it? I want to wear it again!

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    4. Some photos of the dress:
      https://plus.google.com/photos/112226359456812953837/albums/5945059304542725585

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    5. Susan, you completely win my mental wedding dress competition. That dress is, hands down, the most unique, lovely gown I've seen on a modern bride. The stencil work you did is phenomenal! All that back-stitching must have been so tedious, but it was worth it to get such an ethereal fabric effect. I'm dying - dying! - over how lovely it is. You've got to find a way to wear it again.

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  5. Also, your wedding sounds like it will be lovely. My husband and I had vastly different ideas. He wanted big, I wanted to elope! Compromise was hard! I think that's also why I felt like I had to make the dress - so much of the wedding ended up being more his idea than mine. But I said right away - no garters, no bouquet toss, no DJ, and my cousin performed our very non-traditional ceremony (in an otherwise more traditional than I'd wanted wedding). It was foresty and beautiful and l had more fun than I thought I would :). Yay compromise!

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    1. Susan, I'm so glad your day ended up being lovely...and that you were able to forego most of the usual wedding shenanigans. When we first got engaged, we seriously considered eloping, but Sam wanted a real wedding and I'm pretty sure my best friends would have revolted, if they couldn't be bridesmaids. It's been a stressful process, but so much lower key than what most other people I know have done. Thank heavens!

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    2. Hehe my husband was the one who wanted a "real" wedding too :). We're lucky to have men who want to declare publicly how much they love us! I can't wait to hear about yours. I hope you have fun! It's very stressful, but the actual day you just let somebody else worry about things and enjoy yourself. Good luck to you!

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  6. It's effing gorgeous - can't wait to see the pics and read all about it. And thank you! :)

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    1. Thanks, Mel! And you're welcome. I'm so excited to see your final dress, you have no idea. It's going to be freaking amazing.

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  7. Oooh, the dress is so pretty! I just had an incredibly simple wedding (courthouse) with a party planned for the summer so all our families can get together in one place -- I love your low-key Sunday brunch idea! (Also, the Apathetic Bride's Guide is basically the ONLY wedding planning advice I read whilst engaged.)

    Also, I did sew my dress, but it was a short & simple, nothing fancy kind of thing. Yours is incredible! If I ever need a gorgeous dress, Joanne Fleming has my attention! (Ideally I won't need another wedding dress, haha, but you know.... Maybe someone will invite me to an appropriately-themed gala?)

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    1. Map, congratulations on your own happy news! I vividly remember how cute your dress was and I'm still so impressed that you made it yourself. It was the perfect casual chic wedding outfit. Loved it.

      If I ever throw a gala, you're totally on the invite list! It's been an amazing process working with her. The next time I have spare income and something ridiculously fancy to go to, more of her magic might be in store. So, you know...in twenty years? ;)

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  8. What an absolutely lovely dress, you're going to look amazing in it! And sister, you're preaching to the choir. I've never understood the whole strapless thing. I'd just stress about bra-shopping and the potential indecent exposure that comes with wearing something strapless.

    My man and I are engaged as well so I've been thinking on and off about the whole dress situation. When that day comes I'm thinking about sewing it myself, but nothing fancy and nothin white! I'm such a total klutz so a white precious dress would just be asking for trouble.

    Soo, I'm thinking emerald green, maybe silk or duchesse satin, since it's my fave colour. Probably a three quarter sleeved Elisalex bodice plus circle skirt.

    Best wishes to you and Sam!

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    1. Naomi, hooray for your own happy news! Your dress sounds like it's going to be completely gorgeous. My bridesmaids are wearing emerald silk, from an Etsy seller, and I'm so tempted to buy one for myself. It would be such a lovely, unique color for a wedding dress! When you make it, will you post pictures online? I'd love to see it.

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    2. Unfortunately I'm one of the blogless few, but I do have an instagram account (naomimolly) where I post some of my adventures in dressmaking! :) Also want to say that your blog is one of my absolute favourites! Hope you have a great weekend.
      X, Naomi

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  9. Mary you are going to look beautiful in this dress! I cannot imagine what sort of fitting schedule you did to have a dress made for you overseas! Such trust! Good for you to hold out for the ideal dress and not give in to the US pressure of extravagant weddings! I am often amazed when I see American weddings on TV/movies!!
    Sounds like the start of your marriage is going to be an elegant and pretty affair!

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    1. Nessa, it was such a scary proposition initially, to buy from overseas. However, Joanne has worked with dozens of overseas brides and they had nothing but lovely things to say about their experiences. In the end, I decided that buying from a US retailer would mean receiving a straight size, so custom made would be safer even than that.

      And, you're so correct about American weddings. They've gotten entirely too extravagant! When my parents married in the 70s, the standard was a simple cake & punch reception. How my generation of US girls got it into their heads that all of this hoopla was "tradition" is mystifying. Why put so much stress on one day? The mind boggles.

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  10. That dress looks divine!
    I'm in the process of making my wedding dress at the moment.
    And by "in the process" I mean staring down the barrel of one of many, many muslins to get this thing right.
    I've got a year, a very clear vision and it turns out I absolutely adore taking this thing slowly and breaking it down into hour long chunks here and there.
    Can't wait to see pictures of the big day!
    My inspiration for my dress is here:
    http://scaredstitchless.blogspot.com.au/2013/10/making-my-wedding-dress-inspiration.html

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    1. Jodie, I just followed your blog (How had I not done that already?) and ogled your inspiration post. Your dress is going to be absolutely gorgeous! I can't wait to see the finished product. I'm envious of your drive to take on such a project, honestly. It's going to be so satisfying receiving all those wedding day compliments, when you've made it yourself!

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  11. Absolutely stunning! I love your dress, and I love your little list of concerns. Sam-dress-cake, priorities spot on!

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    1. Thanks, Marianne! I'm so glad you like it! Also, honestly, when people have concerns above those three, I feel the urge to back away slowly. Love, pretty clothes, and pastry should always come first. ;)

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  12. what a beautiful dress!!! you will be a gorgeous bride... sounds like your idea of a wedding is similar to mine. wedding is about a celebration of love! (and the best occasion to put on a fabulous dress, of course :) )
    and as soon as i get a secon i;ll go and drool over your pinterest boards...

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    1. Thank you, Joelle! That is precisely how I feel about weddings. It's not "my big day," it's a day about us and how awesome the rest of our lives are going to be.

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  13. This dress is gorgeous and will suit you perfectly!

    I desperately didn't want a strapless dress, but found an otherwise perfect (knee-length mainly-lace dress, not-eye-watering price) strapless dress so I got a bolero for the day and had a dressmaker add a removable halter strap for evening dancing.

    Our wedding was in June and we only kept the traditions that meant something to us - so no garter or bouquet toss, no first dance, no chair covers, my mum gave a speech as well as my dad. It was ace.

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    1. Thank you, Annabel!

      Your wedding sounds absolutely lovely! Best wishes! What an genius way around finding a dress that was almost there. I'm so glad you ended up with what you wanted, in a reasonable way!

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  14. How refreshing!!! My husband and I married at ages 19 and 20 and had a short ceremony at our church, then walked across the street to the park for the reception. No garter, no bouquet toss, just soda and snacks and cake and lots of loved ones. Fast forward 12 years to my "Say Yes to the Dress" watching marathon and I am just in utter disbelief at some of these brides and the crazy extravagance that has become the wedding industry. And I said to myself, "don't these brides wanting a 'unique' dress realize that these are all the same dress!?" Oh, and then we get an invitation to a cousin's wedding in the mail and it's at a venue too far to just go for the day and where the reserved accommodations cost $300 a night! Annnnd they registered at Crate & Barrel. (Don't even get me started on couples who have owned homes and lived together for years who then register for new stuff for their wedding. I usually rebel and gift a bottle of wine). Anyway, your dress is beautiful and your thoughts on your marriage more beautiful still :)

    http://www.nikki-fancythat.blogspot.com

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    1. Nikki, your wedding sounds absolutely perfect. It's funny, because before I sewed, I absolutely loved Say Yes to The Dress. But after a couple of seasons, and learning the ins and outs of garment construction, it just started to enrage me. Designers are selling the same dress over and over to girls, making them think a bride should look one specific way for her wedding. How dreadfully boring and sad! Weddings should be, above all, personal...especially the dress.

      Okay, your cousin's wedding sounds like the exact wrong way to go about things! Just this morning, we signed the contract on our hotel blocks, and one of the big selling points was getting a reasonable rate for our friends and family. Weddings are about celebrating with loved ones, not making everyone associated with it broke! Egads.

      Also, don't even get me started on Crate & Barrel. When people register mainly there, but not somewhere practical like Williams Sonoma, I get irrationally judgmental. Why ask for the same decorating items as the rest of America, when the world's best kitchen store exists? I will never understand. Needless to say, we're mostly at W&S.

      And...now I got all ranty. Weddings can just be frightfully ridiculous!

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  15. I wanna get married again - that dress is stunning. You'll look amazing.

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  16. Mary, how lovely! I have that same wedding dress pattern; a gift from a friend. Fair play to you for not dealing with the stress of making your own. Nic and I are getting married next year and I have decided that I am going to make my wedding dress. However, we're not really having a wedding because, like you, I have a horror of big weddings. We're getting married in a registry office and having a party on the beach where his parents live. So, in keeping with that, I'm making a non-wedding wedding dress. It'll be something me, and something colourful, and something I will wear again. So I think that will remove some of the stress! I am going to make a reception dress too though, probably a maxi dress for frolicking in the surf of the cold English channel! I'm not very bridal!

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    1. Thank you so much, Roisin! Best wishes again to you and Nic!

      Your wedding sounds like it's going to perfect. Ours is ending up a little larger than either one of us prefers, but our families are both very large and very excited, so it was unavoidable. Yours sounds ideally intimate! Also, I'm ridiculously thrilled about the dresses you're going to make for it. Colorful wedding dresses are always so striking and lovely! I can't wait to see yours.

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  17. This is amazing!! Congratulations!!! That venue looks superb. I had no idea it even existed! I hope you will post up pictures here after your wedding. It would be wonderful to see you in it!

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    1. Thank you so much, Lauren! I will definitely be posting pictures - loads and loads of them, no doubt. We only looked at two venues, when we were wedding planning, and once we saw Mercury Hall, it was all over. It's the perfect, secluded little spot, but right in the city. I love it.

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  18. SQUEEE! Omg Mary it is perfect and gorgeous and amazing!!! I'm in love. I CANNOT wait to see you in it!! And holy cats that real bride has amazing photos.

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    1. Thank you so, so much Sylvie! I'm so glad you think it's as amazing as I do! Also, aren't those photos gorgeous? If we lived in Ireland, I would be using her photographer, no question. And she's the exact reason I'm currently toying with the idea of going red at some point post-wedding.

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  19. That dress is PERFECTION!!! It's as if the person who designed it KNEW you would one day need it. I can't get over how exactly right it is for you. And I had no idea the Brit options were better. Holy wow. Not that I'm likely to ever remarry, but dang. Now I kind of want an excuse to buy that dress. LOL! Cannot wait to see you in it! (Mine was a giant 90s confection with a hoop skirt. Let's not talk about it.)

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    1. Terri, the next time I see you, we are totally looking at pictures of your wedding dress! I would pay to see you in a hoop skirt, lady ;) Also, thank you! When I first saw it, that's exactly what I thought - it's like she read my mind, then designed the exact dress I'd always wanted. I'm so, so excited. And...let's be honest...will be wearing it to RWA at least twice.

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  20. Wow, change that skirt fabric to lace as well, and that right there is my dream wedding dress! lol Well, maybe a little bit calmer of a skirt, I'm not one for flaired circle skirts (I'd just have to get rid of the crinoline). :D Congrats on finding your perfect dress! I love the idea of sewing your own wedding dress, but it seems so much more stressful during what's normally a pretty chaotic time. I'm glad you were able to find something that checks all the right boxes.

    And don't mind me, just bookmarking that designer...

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  21. Squeee! I'm more than a little proud to see you choose such a beautiful British frock! It's gorgeous :)

    I had a cream long frock with train for my wedding. But... we also renewed our vows six weeks later for the Mister's elderly parents who were too infirm to make the wedding, I wore a turquoise knee-length dress that was in the sales, we hired a photographer and went for fish and chips afterwards with his parents, my parents and one of my sisters, That day was the best!

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  22. It's so fun to hear about your wedding! I am having a similarly simple wedding in 5 months, we are skipping a lot of the rigamarole as well. My dream dress is pretty much exactly the same as your list. I am going to try to make mine, but I will totally consider Joanne Fleming if it doesn't work out :D

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  23. I'm so jealous! Not really, I'm tremendously happy for you. I have been watching (or little closer to stalking) Joanne Fleming because her designs are just so amazing. I would love to wear one of her dresses if I ever get married.

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  24. I had a really difficult time trying to decide whether to make my wedding dress or buy it. In the end I bought it, and am very glad I did - yes, it was expensive and I could have made a dress cheaper, but not the dress I really wanted. Plus, the thought of how stressful the whole process would be and how, most likely, I wouldn't be 100% happy with it on the day, meant I was happy to hand over the money

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  25. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, the dress you chose is absolutely gorgeous! I can't wait to see your pictures wearing it. I'm not married yet and I've been debating if I want to make my own dress when that time comes. I probably will (because I'm sure I'll decide I want something impossible to find!) though I can definitely understand buying one instead. It would be a very nerve-wracking project! I've enjoyed perusing the links on your post of the bloggers who did make their own as well as the gorgeous dresses by this designer!

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  26. Oh Mary it's absolutely gorgeous! Such a perfect fit to your list. I think you've made a spot-on call. I didn't sew when I got married and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made my dress even if I could have -- you're right, toooooo much stress! Hmmmm, but maybe for a vow renewal ceremony or such.... :D (BTW, I'm currently working on my 2nd Anna!!!)

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  27. Wedding is such a very special moments in everyone life. Thanks for shearing information about Bridal Dress Alterations

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